Sales and Self-Worth: Unraveling the Complex Ties Between Selling and Self-Image

As a sales professional and coach, I have seen and heard it all when it comes to the word “sales.”

The word “sales” is often a triggering one.

But, why is that, really?

Because last I checked, “sales” is the one thing that gives us both money and freedom.

To begin to answer this question, I’ll start with a confession:

Even in my own sales coaching business, I have avoided using the word “sales.” 

Instead, I’ve used “business development,” “marketing,” or “client generation,” just to keep people from running away screaming. People don’t want to be affiliated with the term “sales,” but those other terms sound okay.

What is the reason that sales makes people feel so uncomfortable?

Well, sales reminds us of pressure-filled “sales conversations” we’ve endured (or succumbed to) over the years by self-serving salespeople, or companies who invade our inbox with pitches for something wholly irrelevant to us, wasting our time and stealing away our peace.

But those experiences, as awful or annoying as they are, aren’t the real reason. There’s something deeper, more meaningful at play.

The real reason sales is so fraught is that our relationship with sales is often a reflection of our relationship with ourselves.

That is, our ability to sell holds up a mirror to our own self-worth, purpose, and ability to survive through entrepreneurship.

Do any of these sound familiar?

“Is my idea good enough? Does anyone want what I have to offer?” (Self Worth)

“Being able to sell my services validates that I’m on track with fulfilling my life’s purpose.” (Purpose)

“If I don’t make this sale, I may not be able to pay rent.” (Survival)

Tell me, that’s not a lot.

But there’s more.

Adding to the intense voices we hear in our heads around selling, as women, our relationship with selling is further complicated in two additional ways.

1. We often struggle to speak up.

Across cultures, women are not taught to speak up or voice our opinions. And what is sales but speaking up to ask for the sale?

People tell me they can “build relationships” all day, but when it comes to asking if the person wants to hire them, they break down. They literally can’t get the words “Would you like to work together?” out of their mouths.

2. Our relationship with money is messed up.

Many of us grew up in households where talking about money was taboo. Many of us grew up in households where there wasn’t enough money. Some of us grow up to be adults with money, but live with a debilitating fear it might suddenly disappear.

And let us not forget that money is often perceived as something women shouldn’t have to worry about - that’s men’s domain.

So now we've got self worth, purpose, and survival tossed in with high-triggering concepts of confidence and money. 

… Not to mention that in sales, there’s only one outcome: Victory or Defeat.

… Not to mention the humiliation of being ghosted by a prospect.

… Not to mention that the highs are amazing but the lows feel devastating.

Let’s be honest. For most of us, our relationship with sales is a fraught one. 

If it’s not fraught, good for you!

Your relationship with sales is your relationship with yourself. What do you want it to be?

But if it is and you’re asking, “How do I heal my uncomfortable relationship with sales? I want to be successful!,” I present two choices:

1. Work on “self.”

Work on your money mindset

Accept you have the right to show up in a room that maybe didn’t invite you, and say “Hi.”

Bet on yourself to not only survive, but thrive.

2. Work on selling.

Show up and ask for the sale, even when you’re terrified. 

If you think therapy will change your life, learning to sell can be transformational.

When you sell, you face your worst fears head on. 

It pushes you to:

• Know your own strength

• Speak with your own voice

• Support your own needs

I’m not going to sugar coat it. Coming to peace with selling, much less becoming really good at it, is a challenge.

For sure, one minute you’ll find yourself saying “I hate sales!” and the next minute, when you get that new sale, you’ll feel ecstatic, like you just conquered the world!

Sales, like life, is a roller coaster, but it’s truly a self-actualizing experience that will strengthen and embolden you to take on any challenge that life puts in front of you.

Your relationship with sales is your relationship with yourself. 

What do you want it to be?

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TLDR: Explore the intricate relationship between sales and self-worth, as sales are often a reflection of our self-image and confidence. This article delves into how women's challenges with speaking up and their relationship with money add complexity to their sales experience, offering insights on how to embrace selling as a path to self-actualization and success.

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Celina Guerrero has generated millions in revenue as a professional sales executive and marketer. As founder of the Consistent Client System she helps client-serving CEOs and consultants accelerate sales so they can make more money, increase impact and love their business more.